dream|||catcher

i've created a separate blog.

2005-12-14T21:47:00.000+08:00

i've moved to another space.
but this one will be my site to just, well, yell about anything.=)

back from the dead

2005-12-09T21:40:00.000+08:00

i realise...there are these periods of time where i would switch off and pretend everything is okay.
that's such a farce.
how can it possibly be
that nothing has ever changed
when everything has changed?

siteX

2005-11-25T23:11:00.000+08:00

i'm working at siteX!it's pretty funny.cus yiling actually was the one that found the job?and i got it.how accidental.
anyway, just come and down and look for me if u wanna.it's till sunday,9pm!i sell logtech keyboards and mice=P
oh,and i gotta catch goblet @ imaX!=)

BBQ....

2005-11-12T16:02:00.000+08:00

It's going to be a quiet day....
hopefully at jy's house, everything will be clearig up soon.
the sky is kinda red again...

!!!!!!!!

2005-11-10T20:48:00.000+08:00

keeping my 4 subs.yay.
must work DAMN HARD next year.
blog more after OP tmr....OP!OP!terrorise my life.
and whoever's want guitar lessons,please contact me!

wed.happy day.

2005-11-03T21:52:00.000+08:00

i've finally recovered.from my crazy little period.
thanks mouse.

--------------------------------------------------
went to school for pw today.
yawn.
not much to say.
the usual people.
all cooing over my new fone.
hx taking up space again.expected.haha.

we went to parkway after that ( crys,herlina and i).
i can shop with girls well .( my sis provided ample training.LOL)
turns out 77th street HAS beanies.so cheated.>.<
cheaper too at 10.90.i should get a white one for myself.wahaha.

everything has changed

2005-11-03T21:47:00.000+08:00

we tried to go to kbox.on tuesday that is.
after wad i said...everything changed.sigh.

turns out we forgot it was a public holiday.
so exp!!!!!!!!!!!!!so we didnt go.
went from cinileisure to marina sq.
yh said just as well, since "someone died and it must be haunted."
lol.

attempted to bowl.
but it was 3.90!my GAWD.
we got severely pissed.
went to Carl's Junior and had american burgers.burp.
the ice tea kept turning out wrong!!!!!>.<

went beanie shopping again after that.
found one at queensway.after must hesitation and trying ons.
then we went crazy and took 14 all the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
reaching bedok at 8 (we took the bus at 645), i proceeded to kim's house.
poor kim.
hope she does well for science.

----------------------------------------
i returned home after that.
tired, regretful, unfulfiled.
even though it was supposed to be a day out of fun with friends.
.
..
...
what do i do this for?

New Balance

2005-11-03T21:41:00.000+08:00

i went to the NB shop at comtech on monday.
siok yehhao ter and me.
haha.wk warned me the place was as dingy as it could get.
he proved to be right.
we got lost, hampered, hot, sweaty and tired.
terence was pissed over the lack of his "sweat-free exp".gah.

well, i got my shoes.
siok got an attractive white bag.haha
then we left and ate at pastamania @ harbourfront.
went bag and beanie shopping.
stupid zach!you bought the bag i wanted.will never forgive u.lol.

ter and i went beanie shopping @ tm after that.
whatever happened afterwards was a blur i don't wish to remember.
...

Saturday

2005-11-03T21:34:00.000+08:00

last saturday was busy.
went to teach kim tuition in the morning...
that girl is seriously nutty and adorable at the same time.
always begging me with her huge bambi eyes not to do any work.
hai.
KC ah lian in training.=D
i gave her work as usual and went through her stuff...hopefully she'll do better in her exams.next year will have to teach her again.lets see how that goes.
the idea of me being a mentor to her in her teenage years kind of terrfies me.am i ready for that role?

after that i went with junus to watch flightplan.
much popcorn, coke and flying exchanges of sacarsm later, we were pretty happy.
kept losing to her at crazy taxi.HAWWWWWWWW.
then we walked a bit, talked a little more.
realising how sissified my actions are.
GOTTA CHANGE.

then she followed me to bring the IP ppl to the esplanade.
i lied she was an intern from e-club. ( so sue me)
the IP kids were pretty exciting...lol
and they understood everything i said!
we went from the fullerton to the merlion, then the esplanade and finally to suntec.

tiring day isn't it?
haha.

2005-10-29T08:03:00.000+08:00

Last day of school.
this mix of feelings, compounded by my own fears.
the concert for mrs lim was beyond expectations.
lessons went by in a blur.
mrs chang was nice enough to appeal for me,
i may keep my four subjects.
thank you mrs chang.
presentations went by in a blur too.
i was so relieved, i had no idea what i was doing.
the most intense memory of it all.
waikit, saying goodbye.
a year passed with him as my friend.
yet...
at this ultimate stage of separation, i'm unsure what to say.
we will meet in the future.i'm sure of it.
until then, good luck for your future.
sorely.missed.

2005-10-29T07:51:00.000+08:00

washing glasses can be quite a challenge.
it seems that, no matter how hard i try to wash them,
these little stains always remain.

it's just like life.
there are things we can never wash away.
the stains stay there forever to haunt you.

Do i live with these stains?
Or do i hide them?

The frustration is killing me.
i wish i've never told you anything.
now that things are going to get complicated.
i'll have to trust only myself again.as always.

i already see the signs happening.
i'm slowly infiltrating your life,
and so are you.
it's already happened before,
and i don't want to experience this again.
i'm too scared, too confused, too frightened.
the feeling is so intense, it makes me want to cry.
How can something so wrong, seem so right
at the same time?
yet i cannot do anything but think about it.
trying harder.and harder. to stay away.
it's best to keep myself away from you.

Goodbye, Mrs Lim!

2005-10-26T21:25:00.000+08:00

Mrs Lim will be leaving Temasek JC with effect from next year.
i'm sad.
much as i like NJC, i admire my principal.a lot.
she's one woman who can distinguish the fakers and those who put in effort.
arrogance does not exist in her dictionary.
have a happy job at the MOE cirriculum department.TJCians alike will miss u.=(

and admirance to mr chee!finally showed some gung-ho teacher power today.continue and u will be a great teacher, not a "push-over".=)

as for yinghui and LY, glad everything is solved and happy.hope it stays that way.

2005-10-26T21:14:00.000+08:00

Read this off DNRC Newsletter 16.0...

Dear Dogbert

I tend to spit at random times while talking. Because of this I have very few
friends what should I do?
牋?
Lydia

Dear Spitia,

Try talking to people who are on fire. They probably won抰 notice the spitting
so much, and if they do, they might appreciate it.

Sincerely

Dogbert

it applies so much to me doesn't it?
i swear i will fix my jaw problem as soon as i can.it's a source of many insecurities.

i did a test at school today about autism.
and the result was...ta-dahh!34(autistic children score 35)
that makes me highly prone to autism.
while i admit i'm not particularly good at numbers, nor art.
i would think i have a knack for picking out details.
and as to whether i'm functioning normally in life, who's to say?
the path ahead is still rocky.

i just wish i wasn't so infatuated with you.
all of it sounds so wrong, and i even think you suspect it, despite the ridiculous nature of it all.
give me a sign, oh Al Mighty up above.

contacts

2005-10-25T21:17:00.000+08:00

wasn't very happy today.
PW,civics, tutors...
yeah.the whole lot.
things cheered up a bit when JW lent me her elvA CD.
woo!thanks JW.
started, well, talking to terence again.
feel weird around him.like it's unsafe.>.<
we had lunch at LJS,yh,crys,siok,terence and me.
quite an interesting experience, since everyone was happy and buoyant.
terence is goin to hk!woo.he can get my stuff.

yay.in other news.
mouse will be glad to know i got my contacts.
and i had little trouble putting them on.
the guy at Nanyang Optical was friendly enough.
first he taught me to wash them in solution, and grip my eyelids apart with both my middle fingers while prying the lens in.
and ta-dah!i did both in three tries.
am i born to do this or what?

four sub

2005-10-25T20:35:00.000+08:00

pray hard that i retain my 4 sub.dun wanna let go of econ.

The keys to my heart

2005-10-24T22:39:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

which advanced degree should i get?

2005-10-24T22:37:00.000+08:00

You Should Get a PhD in Liberal Arts (like political science, literature, or philosophy)

You're a great thinker and a true philosopher.
You'd make a talented professor or writer.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

Inner Child

2005-10-24T22:36:00.000+08:00

Your Inner Child Is Sad

You're a very sensitive soul.
You haven't grown that thick skin that most adults have.
Easily hurt, you tend to retreat to your comfort zone.
You don't let many people in - unless you've trusted them for a long time.

How Is Your Inner Child?

Lost again

2005-10-23T21:36:00.000+08:00

you may think i've not been blogging.
the truth is, i have.
just that...every time i pick up the courage to post here,i chicken out within a few minutes.
and remove the whole thing.

the mere mention of you...
it's tears me away.
why can't i forget the past?
and let go of what's happened.
and just let it all come back
to haunt me
like a horde of spirits
that you have sent
to silently stalk me.

memories

2005-09-30T11:03:00.000+08:00

how will i ever stand up again?
been sick all week.now i'm at home typing after taking the day off school.
update more...a little later?=)
-----------------------------

很久以后与你擦身而过
我还能够微笑和你挥手
我爱过的你
是否改变很多
如果重新来过
你还会不会走
走出我的从前
出现我的以后
以后

another lazy week

2005-09-08T14:10:00.000+08:00

sigh.
.
..
...
yawn.

it's another edition of my lazy life, brimming with non-juicy details, unexciting bits and nondescript events.
sounds hauntingly familiar to yours?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On another note, i realised ow humiliating it has been to fail math.
This, after three whole days of rushing math tutorials in school and at home.
And i must say, i've gained a lot from the whole scenario.
Math, in itself, has always been my greatest enemy[abeit lesser than physics]
And i'll say i've never enjoyed myself doing any of it.
It's been a little different these three days. i feel satisfied doing it.
*gasp!am i beocming a nerd or what.or maybe,i'm one deep down inside.
I've never aspired to be one actually[who does?]
I've always lived in my brother's shadows, and i think that contirbuted to me being an underachiever socially.i'm content to be low-profile without the stifling life of a high-profile guy.Being socially adept isn't one of my greatest strengths, but in recent years i've learnt to overcome that. By being friendly to everyone.
Losing out...isn't exactly a big issue.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to school early in the morning at 0800 yesterday,expecting to see my math tutor for some seriously-needed help.A couple of lonely souls were with me, all slogging over various academic materials. I settled for a lone bench under LT2 abnd spread out all my math materials. The day earlier, i had just realised i hadn't done my tutorials since no.8.Which leaves me gaping at a 20-over number of tutorials waiting to be done.And i completed about half of that already on tuesday.With hx's generous help, so to speak...

Let me clarify something, i don't dslike my math tutor, but he has an overwhelmingly domineering way of looking at you like you're nothing more than an earthworm. Of course, i don't take people like him easily,so asking questions and stuff was a trifle difficult. my old SCG mates were all in school too, to my surprise. Things just happen when you least expect them.

Like CY being in school. Seems she took the bother to dress up in TJ fatigues to hand in EoMs.It may sound pretty ridiculous to you.
We spoke at length about a lot of things, and went ahead to have lunch at the hawker centre at BLK 16. My sister absolutely marvels at the place because she claims one can get a decent full meal for under 5 dollars. So she jumps at the chance to eat there.Man....
We eat a lot for a pair of sick beings. Rojak, fish soup, beehoon, the works....
Speaking to CY can be a pretty edgy event at times. Sometimes, i don't know whether its led by plain naivete, or an internal desire to assume the worse. But most of the time, it comes across to me that things aren't that simple. It depends on how i choose to explore them, that's all.

Collected my stuff and went home, had a shower and proceeded to meet yh. The weather was so hot, we decided to cancel lunch after all.heh.

holidays

2005-09-05T15:35:00.000+08:00

it's the holidays again...!!!

*pops the champagne*

and as i predicted, my fone's filled with pictures of crazy gunners.especially hanxi.
gonna head back to school tomorrow=)

one thing i learnt from my parents' experience...
never.
have too many kids.

New Phone

2005-08-25T21:35:00.000+08:00

i bought a new phone finally!
the LG F2300...and it has allowed me to store many memories.
It's white and small and cute...the exact opposite of me.haha.

A lot has happened in the last two weeks,which explains why this blog has been collecting cobwebs.To maintain a blog requires a fair bit of discipline and restraint.Hence, i will try harder.=)
After all the big hoo-haa and holidays of NDP[did i mention the bus i took drove into a public carpark at block 427 in tamp?], i was waiting for the next big holiday.Nope it's not coming yet....=(

Meanwhile, i went for the attachment at IMCB @ biopolis.Such a JOY to be missing school.Surprised to find nicole was there too, and happy too!at least there's someone i know.and there's xuan cheng,carrine and congming.xuan cheng is the one that looks very young, carrine the unassuming one, and congming looks,well,congming.
I had a lot of fun in the three days!=)missing school was such an added plus.

The koreans came on a visit last week.And as vp of TC, i had to be in action naturally=) I got to miss another friday's worth of lessons while being decked out in my red shirt and ripped jeans. A bit of language obstacles here and there though
=(

=)

2005-08-20T00:54:00.000+08:00

i just want to say something to the most important people in my life.
you're the reason(s) that i'm carrying on,
for without you i am nothing.
you mean so much to me...
and yet,there is only so much i can do for you.

you're omnipresent,and there is nothing i can do without you.

holiness

2005-08-20T00:51:00.000+08:00

things have happened.
tempers have exploded.
doe i pretend everything is fine...
or try to reminicise about the good old times?

2005-08-12T23:50:00.000+08:00

nicole in frt of the mag rack @ mAmA joE store @ holland village.

2005-08-12T23:49:00.000+08:00

we're posing in front of the dandelion @ biopolis!=)

2005-08-12T23:45:00.000+08:00

i keep seeing him everywhere!jon gwee's my og mate from first three months!he's now at ac and he's totally gentlemenly.makes me feel barbaric around him.we're posing at biopolis for our attachment=)

2005-08-12T23:44:00.000+08:00

yh me oon and fab.i look eyeless=X

2005-08-12T23:36:00.000+08:00

char and i=)happy b-day char!

2005-08-12T23:35:00.000+08:00

Cg 23/05.a bit blur,but...=X

James Blunt - You're Beautiful

2005-08-12T23:27:00.000+08:00

To come this far...
to try this hard...
only to realise right now.

-

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.

But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Char's Birthday

2005-08-11T21:54:00.000+08:00

i spent monday in a flurry of activities.
woke up at 0615....supposed to meet her at 0645 at the busstop.shit.
went to school in the morning with unknown.wah.we were both late so had to rush for the bus.bought a carrot cake and ham chin peng[doughcake for the english-speaking public] for breakfast.the hcp was overloaded with sugar.>.<
the bus finally came at 0710.crowded.so i was pecariously clutching my wallet and half-eaten hcp with one hand and grabbing onto a pole with the other.still crowded till changi sec.then we got two seats and plopped down.wahaha.i was wearing a red giodarno shirt with my jeans.got to school at 0735...so late.passed yh the red nike shirt, and went for the parade.tjc's parade was nice...many confident parade commanders and flag-bearers.better than vjc's "falling flag".wahahaha.
went up to the hall for celebration after that...the whole event was bad....i sat at the back and had a lousy view...the mcs were too quiet....people were bored...and my VP Can't sing and the SC can't dance.i enjoyed the ICC dance though.full of drum beats and groove.the SC actually had the guts to give three cheers for the vp and themselves.-_-
after that...i had to stay in school for econs tutorial at LT2.did the CSQ and went through the essay for Friday's test.i won't be taking on friday because of my attachment anyway.=)many people ponned.wk actually came in and left,wearing his sunglasses.hmm shall not say much...
after that had to do pw again=(we had to prepare another sample of compost.and we had a greater variety consisting of seaweed,papaya,pineapple and eggshells.once again,we had to wash and chop and everything.got papaya all over my jeans.crap.
we finished after 4pm and i had to rush home for a quick bath before heading to meet cy at tampines at 5pm.we had to get a cake for char!
after debating b/t four leaves and breadtalk....i told her there was a breadtalk at city hall.so we decided to go there and buy the cake.
many cakes on display...40% off on the blackforrest and [peach+custard] cream cakes.
we were tempted to buy them but finances stopped us.hmm.realised something on the train trip again.we bought a red cream strawberry cake adorned with little decorative things and a strawberry=)i thought char would like it.
then we ran all the way through citylink to esplanade....though cy "bai ka"...
we reached ichiban boshi at 1815....everyone was there. oon xm char yh jy fab were already debating furiously what to eat.we settled down and ordered quite a lot...
salmon sashimi was on offer!being sashimi lovers we ordered 4 plates.wahaha.had a whole plate myself, and a crabshell handroll and lobstersalad beancurd skin sushis.
then we gave char her prezzie and the cake...she liked it.i think.=)
we left the place at 2000...full,contented.then we stood outside the restaurant discussing $.so unglam.>.<
we went to the esplanade to take a walk...took photos at the merlion!=)
it's been a long time since i've walked ard with my friends in such a care-free manner...it's a breath of fresh air....=)
we walked around for a really long time before going home=)

i wonder...when everyone knows my secret.then things may start to happen.

2005-08-11T21:34:00.000+08:00

more eggshells..the smell was STILL bad

2005-08-11T21:33:00.000+08:00

Fourth layer : the soil again=)

2005-08-11T21:32:00.000+08:00

"this is horrendously HARD work!"

2005-08-11T21:31:00.000+08:00

Third Layer-Watermelons Skin!they break down rather easily=)

2005-08-11T21:30:00.000+08:00

first layer!composting done by your truly....the eggshells were stomped on by crystal and i had to do the dirty job of putting them in.wtf.

2005-08-11T21:27:00.000+08:00

here i am...filling water....i guess i am destined for a hard life after all.i'm so used to it already.

2005-08-11T21:26:00.000+08:00

my pw-mate,Yenny and I.

2005-08-11T21:25:00.000+08:00

wash and break and smash and crack...ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!the eggs smelt horrendous and disgusting.

2005-08-11T21:24:00.000+08:00

the other material:eggshells!unknown to most, eggshells contain plenty of nitrogen which plants need.only thing is they take long times to decompose completely.yeah.courtesy of Wild Wild West of Tjc!

2005-08-11T21:22:00.000+08:00

wash.wash.wash.yeah we had to chop and wash up so everything can decompose more easily and ensure there were no seeds/parasites=)

2005-08-11T21:21:00.000+08:00

watermelons!our basic organic waste material,sourced from Tropicana Heaven.courtesy of tjC uncle and auntie.

=)

2005-08-08T22:30:00.000+08:00

a lot of different people today approached me.
i'm happy!
i have friends abound...
maybe.
i don't appreciate you peeps enough.
and you.you.you.
hope u noe what you're doing.

dirty floors

2005-08-07T12:32:00.000+08:00

The floors of my house seem to be increasingly meddled with dirt day by day.
The water in the pail i was using was getting dark.to the extent that even i felt disgusted.ah.will not be swimming today because my sister is in KL,enjoying herself.
.
..
...
desperately need a new phone.

A New Beginning

2005-08-06T22:50:00.000+08:00

My blogskin has been changed to better reflect how i feel.
perhaps,i'm no longer safe in this crazy world.
It's sombre for a reason.think about it.
that's when you really know if you understand what i think.

today...

2005-08-04T21:50:00.000+08:00

it's been a week since i've blogged!
today..hmm....my mood's been okay=)
haha....and it's been a busy week as you can tell!

I had my math test and chem spa last thursday.
so exciting and fearful.=X
math test was so so...and chem spa was a ^#$^@ waste of time.
no group PE next week=0

lemme see...last friday...
oh i attended the SciCo meeting in LT2...
crap there were so little people!
only xiumin and some other familiar faces...
sigh....why is scico treated like a secondary cca?
i signed up for extra IMCB attachments and the Cancer Talk=)

Saturday i went to teach tuition again...
then i went to do something.but i really can't remember what.
orh!i went to do the TC board=)
went to bdk mac in the morning with enghar and vEnessa. had a egg and sausage mcmuffin with tea=)yumyum! discussed a lot of TC stuff...the koreans are coming... so exciting!=)
trekked to school after that with enghar.we talked quite a bit...haha...
she's like a elder sis to me...we bought pink for the board!the board was black but now it looks all pink and welcoming!enghar is great at coordinating colours.unlike me.>.<
[great job enghar!=)]popped down to eastpoint after that to have lunch with m****.
she still sitting there mugging alone.haha.
moved to kfc and had a Banito Pocket...then shopped for specs and walked her home.
then i went to teach tuition at night!shopped a bit at TM before heading for tuition.
now, i have something to say about the next generation of kids.yes,they may be wild, they may scream and give a hoot about the welfare of others.
But they do NOT, and WILL NOT, scream at their parents in my presence.
my student did just that and i duly chastised her for her terrible behaviour.
Our parents owe us nothing and only want the best for us!How can it be that our education system has led to such irresponsible kids with only abilities to study, and even failing at that sometimes?The problem is that we are "too perfect", to overly concerned with academics to care about those problems which have slipped through the cracks.
i finished the job at 2200.amid a little confusion and anger.
got home so late...i just bathed and plopped down on my bed...

Sunday!i woke up in the morning and the air was fresh.ahh wad crap.
had to chiong and meet fabian at TM to sign up for the NB RealRun.can't believe i signed up for a 5.5km run.wtf.and spent 20 $ on it no less.wtf.i had a little lunch with fab then....before heading to bedok swimming pool to meet my sis.not bad....swam 20 laps!yeah!haha...if i dun start training i'll die for nafa and the run....=X We went back to TM to shop again after that..and guess what, i met Fabian again!He went to Breeks for dinner with his family....

The world is really small, isn't it?

We bought loads of stuff....groceries...walk walk walk...
and i bought a pair of VanS Slippers! Brown Chessboard designs!
and they were on discount!so i paid only 17 $.=)
Go home...study a bit of chemistry...
then next day got school again.crap.

Monday....i woke up realising i'm gonna be late again.then again, i do that every morning.sigh.
rushed to the bathroom...rushed to my room...rushed to the busstop...rushed everywhere....arrhhh.got to school on time though.the whole damn day was boring...stupid bio practical.wonder wad lena will sae if she noes i'm her fren's bro.hahahahaha.
PW after school!It's really exciting because we're doing a compost bin and we're gonna do some real experimental work! First we bought two pails from the sundry shop opposite the school....decided to drill holes on two sides for a tight secure fit.We hustled about the school searching for a drill and a hammer...found neither...even at the art room...
so we went opposite to the hardware shop...where we tried various screws and rubber stoppers...the uncle was nice enought to drill the holes for free=)
so we managed to get something air-tight and showed it to Ms Tan straight away!
she was happy and so were we!=)

Tuesday...hmm...we had our trail run for 2.4km in the morning.ran with cheetat,...but his leg locked halfway.stayed to help him.but we finished 6 rounds...sigh...i'll have to do this again.Never mind, chaotah is a good friend and i'll stop for him....known him for 4 years via EDS already...haha...=)
After School...we finally started on composting!We had already told the western food stall and fruit stall owners the previous day to keep eggshells and watermelon skins for us.
So...we wore our gloves.and proceeded to get down and dirty.walking through the canteen with 200 eggshells is something i will never do again.haha.
we obtained the key from MR yah..then went in.haha.photos + explanations will be up!=)

After composting...i went with LY to gelare at tm.yumyum!
we had half priced waffles with swiss choc caramel and choc cookie dough.
8.80 in all...so filling!it's her first trip...
and she ordered another cone with choc overload and strawberry cheesecake yoghurt.
wah.so much caloric intake.too much already...
she say that i know how to treat girls very well.
haha.is that why people think i FLIRT?
it's my NATURE....=P
we walked around trying to find her a orange hairband after that....
then at 635 pm...
wah!my students' mum called and asked me to go over at 8pm.
so i bid ly goodbye and went to my student's house...
prepared her for tingxie...haha...think my teaching skills improving.=)
went home at the grand time of 1030 @ nite.no chem studied yet.wahhhhhh...

2005-07-27T22:36:00.000+08:00

i look kinda yellowed.hmm.this will be on the TC board.hope ppl think i look "okay".=)

2005-07-27T22:35:00.000+08:00

thanks YENNY!+)

2005-07-27T22:34:00.000+08:00

The bookmark i won!looks like a cross b.t duck,chicken and fish=D

stop bitching around!!!!!!

2005-07-27T22:21:00.000+08:00

my dad just sprayed insecticide in the living room to kill mosquitoes.urgh.
i think i would die faster.
my desk light died a spectacular death today.it glowed and then went pop with a burst of smoke.then i smelt this really noxious gas.ahhhh.
shut off power and abandoned the room.
did math in my sister's room.lure of the tv was too great to resist.
hopefully with a little luck i wil pass tomorrow=)

And i must comment on something...
i got not one, but two gifts today!
first my great pw group mate yEnny gave me a stapler after she heard about my plight.[currently have no staplers and punchers at home]
secondly i got a nice,cute looking bookmark.
it looks like a cross between many animals!

Thanks a lot yenny!you've made my day=)

about today...
Gp was fun.yeah.haha.we didnt have much to do cus i didnt have the cash to collect notes for the class.worked with hanxi to do an essay plan.then people claimed we were flirting.com'on!!!!!
all we did was compare palm sizes and wrist bones.and heck, she was the one that initiated it.aint i a bad sport not to play along?=X
we watched a depressing video about why africa still is mired in poverty.
think mrs chang is noticing my change in attitude during econs tutorials.
hopefully it translates into some positive externalities!

tmr got chemistry spa on Skill D.talking about errors and crap.arrrrggghhh.
oh!after sch got econs quiz.got tkgs,tkss and ahs.by midtime it was clear ahs winning.=D
ly sat next to me...we talked a lot.=)
cmicmicmicmicmicmicmicmicmicmicmi=P
then we walked back aft the econs quiz...
talk some more.
but mostly abt
cmicmicmicmicmicmicmicmicmicmicmi=P
well....yeah.haha.

hmm...
at the end,i have two questions to ask.
a) when is a guy considered to be flirting?am i a flirt?
b) does ** mean it when ** says ** actually likes me?=)

nitex to all.

2005-07-25T22:29:00.000+08:00

me eating gummy.ahhh.look like SHIT here.

2005-07-25T22:28:00.001+08:00

jones shi kang qun.grt singer.

2005-07-25T22:28:00.000+08:00

good shot of jiang mei qi=)

2005-07-25T22:27:00.000+08:00

VIVIAN!HOTHOTHOT!

2005-07-25T22:25:00.000+08:00

g|g|=)

Zpop + VJC PIano Ensemble

2005-07-25T21:59:00.000+08:00

i went to watch two concerts over the weekend!

friday i went to watch vjc piano ensemble concert with jonathan and audrey.a bit boring.and btw, i nv like stepping into vjc.damn gloomy.
well...the concert was well-attended.entertaining,but not the best thing i've been too.the vjc drama club performance was...stiff.
eeeeek.
went home with an ap fren of audrey's + jonathan.do i look ,to coin a phrase, "hatable"?.=X

Zpop was a funnier affair.
my fren[haha,dun sae who] went with me ...
in the morning went to teach tuition as usual la.
saw cy today.rare sia.
and her granny rocks!she still treats me like a little kid.and she gave me apple juice.lol i sound SO self-indulgent.
she came in high heels.wah seh where got ppl go concert in high heels.bet all the people at city link must be looking.
so i hurried her off to buy slippers.
we went to marina square.new new new.so the place quite a breath of fresh air.
along the way...haha.laugh a lot.
we practically marched into Royal Spting House...
and bought the second pair of slippers on display.pink sia.
saw a nice pair of reebok sneakers.69.90.cheap.
red and white.mmm....

then we walk ard deciding wad to eat for lunch.
rotiboy will nv fill your stomach.fyi.
on the other hand, i bought a choc custard bun and a curry chicken bun.safe bets.
so fulll.
walk from marina sq to suntec and LOST OUR WAY.kao.
so hop here hop there.hahahaha.
we went watsons buy gummies and sweets.in case later 8pm hungry.
then proceed up lor.
the concert nv start yet.but my bag kenna search.
haha i got a blue lightstick!then kenna taken by her.>.<
then i got a green one.not working de.
so ran back out get one more.ALSO NOT WORKING WTF.
nvm larh.hai.
so we sat ard...watch videos on big big screens.
vivian hsu is SO DAMN HOT!
esp when she's parading for hang ten videos....woo...
[whoops.]
by the time the concert start....everything a blur liao.
so we ended up watching screen with SUBTITLES.
wah lao might as well stay home watch vcd.crrap.
budden i love fan wei qi and liang yong qi singing!
they rock...
one of the most memorable moments?
this group of five ten-yr-old girls.next to me.
who sangf "yi qian nian yi hou" in sweet angelic voices.
i cant describe how beautiful it sounded at that moment.[as much as i dislike jjlin]

i left b4 a-mei came.but i heard its the best part larh.muhaha.
sian.lesson of the day?
do NOT get cheap tix.get the best.
but i survived to tell the story.
pics in a jiffy.=)

perfectly imperfect

2005-07-25T21:44:00.000+08:00

my parents are sitting behind me and talking about how it's possible to swallow washing powder.
hmm.they went to the hosp to visit my granny,and apparently there was a 30-year-old woman whom swallowed it to kill herself.
sigh.
er.went to buy ink catridge after school today.
went to gym and running after school.
definitely becoming a little healthier.
just that little.
and for those whom are jealous i'm so free,well....yeah.go on.

my two frens actually went ard half-naked in the gym.
wah seh.-_-
and i nosebled[not over them la!].i have absolutely no idea why.
it's my very first nosebleed.very exhilarating.
i think i would a couple more.the feeling of blood running down my nostrils and collecting above my lips....hmm.

been improving in math,which is another fine thing i suppose.=)
Mr Lau's been rather good about it.hopefully he'll start to change a bit.
Been handling too much over the weeks.stress is starting to accumulate.
my dear yiHu....better cheer up and stop slacking.

Donkey

2005-07-23T08:32:00.000+08:00

one day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. e animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

he grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. at first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. then, to he's amazement the donkey quietened down. a few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. he was astonished at what he saw...

w each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. he would shake it off and take a step up. pretty soon, he was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

life is going to shovel dirt on us, all kinds of dirt. e trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off n take a step up. each of our troubles is a stepping stone. we can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! shake it off n take a step UP!! :)

2005-07-21T21:44:00.000+08:00

My Results Slip=)

two wrongs can make a right

2005-07-21T21:14:00.000+08:00

it's been a while since i blogged too.
i think my mood has settled down somewhat.
i got back my report slip today!
Mostly positive comments:thanks to the tutors!
except my damn math tutor.undertstand that i cant do math and i wont be doing any of your silly tutorials until i deem fit to do so.i'll work at my own pace.just satisfying what you want from me is not something i look forward or intend to do.
i'll let everyone see later=)

wk asked me over for econs.
so i stayed over at his house to teach econs.
pretty weird and thick tension in his room though.
perhaps it's because i always feel uncomfortable in other people's houses.
930 pm and we were still going.
we covered much of production and costs, price equilibrium, and a little mkt structure, before he declared dead at 0100am.
lol.sleeping on the floor with the aircon directly on me.will never do it again.cold cold cold cold cold cold cold.
got up in the morning and went to school.
long day today.430 then get off!=X
but i survived the whole day including math.
after Pe, i did my make -up PE.
1000 skips!sounds like a lot.but chicken feet larrrh.okok i like skipping.
finish already go gym with ck...my first official visit.
so i kinda like excited little kid.dunno what to do.
but ck pretty much guided me along.the guy's buff and lean enough to be a men's health model!hopefully i'll get my pull-ups done soon.=)
and i helped joanne out with her inclineds.cute experience.

he stole a look at me again today.things have passed by for so long.
i wonder what he thinks when he looks at me.
of the things that passed by?
of the things that have gone sour?
of how things may have turned out otherwise?
but i already have enough myself.will not bother not ask anymore questions, and expose myself to further complications.

now two ppl in my life...lets name them A and B. A is a guy and B is a girl.
hmm if u two reading this...A said something insensitive to B and B pretty upset.
A also feeling foul already, so now both feeling bad.
what i want to say is.
you're both my friends.
and i dun want to see either one sad or unhappy.
cus i dont want to worry for you two.
and the two of u have so much to cherish.
dun give it up because of a few careless words from the horse's mouth.
hold on to what's important, and forget what's not important.
hope things between the two of you will clear up soon=)

corrections

2005-07-16T21:38:00.000+08:00

i've been thinking.
maybe i have a problem.
i think too much.
i could sit for hours alone and stare into space while thinking about something.
but i project something that's happy and simple on the outside.
because i fear that i may offend others with what i really think.
so am i a fake person?
i just want the best for everyone.
no arguments.
no conflicts.
no problems.
only a lot of happiness personified.
this blog is a lifesaver.if not i'll go crazy.

oh.i got CDEF for JCTs.
good enough.
i just have to work on math.
i derive little satisfaction from things nowadays.
i spent a whole lunch hour doing two math problems the other day.
wonder why my fren cant eat lunch alone.
i mean, i eat dinner alone all the time.and it's one of the few times in a day i get to have some private space and a little solitute to myself,which is, a breath of fresh air. maybe i just cant stand the types who depend on others a lot.I've been shutting myself out of social circles since i was aware of my existance. One could say that i'm not familiar with normal social skills, but i personally think it's my inferiority complex.i've always had the impression that everyone was better than me.
i guess...back at dhs.my results were a little something to wow about.but now i'm in tjc...and everything has changed.i didnt get into the college i want. i'm not studying in a class i want.i'm not hanging out with people in school i enjoy being with.
okay, so i lied. if i said that i had moved on, it was an interim thing.i just wanted to get over myself and prove that, hey, nj doesnt want me,its their loss. and gradually i've come to understand that, maybe i'm not good enough for njc.

i just wanna be alone and study at my own pace.progress with life at my own speed.
and i wont even take too long.i noe slackers who wanna sit down,cry, and get spoon-fed all day long.how impossibly infinite the possibilities could be if i were allowed to do things at my own pace.and my own way. but the way that singapore works is such that...everything has to go together.no one must be left out of the system or they are doomed to fail.and my complacency from being at dunman high...

dunmannians are a complacent lot.we're one dimensional, and we're proud. we see neighbourhood students and we think they are perpetually lousy.we dont stop to think that they study the same syllabus as us and probably spend more time too.
and even as they beat us in anything, we blame the external factors. we never blame ourselbves.it cant be our fault.nothing could be.

Coming to TJC...i have learnt a lot. The people here are so hardworking i have to admire them for their spirit. and they're pretty much honest about it, no one could be accused of being an undergroud mugger. These are people who could do so much better than me and i gotta be complacent no more. and to my hapless peers who are still thinking that jc life is going to be a breeze...i hope they wake up soon.

dun be trippin'

2005-07-14T19:45:00.000+08:00

i cant do math.
i cant scale the low wall.
i cant muster up enuff courage to tell her.
i am so USELESS.
i cant do anything right.
my life's in a rut.
and yet i can sit here happily and pretend everything is okay.

worst week of my life

2005-07-13T22:35:00.000+08:00

this could possibly qualify as the worst week of my adoscelent life.
first,i think i obtained 3 D and a F for JCTS.argh.
secondly, i didn't get into scico exco.siggghhh.
even though i felt there were less qualified ones whom got in.
and to add insult to injury, my gp teacher goes ahead and says that my essay deserves better but she is at "no liberty to change my marks".wtf.
then again, she did say that i'll prob be a distinction student.muhaha!=P

i've been interacting with a lot of little kids recently.
looking back at the last few months of my life,i've been spending it as a male nanny of sorts. First my little kid at the FSC, then tuition with kim, then dealing with all those taiwanese little students. do i love those students or wad?
[sounds so paedophilic.=X]

today was so-so...
i had a few laughs during GP lecture.
the tutor was actually murmuring about "youths ...womanizing...and getting pregnant"
eh.so guys who womanise get pregnant?-_-
and after the disappointing exco elections...went to meet xm in the canteen at 1630.
We talked for an hour...made me think about a lot that has happened.
came home and went to get a good run at the track near my house.
realised it's fully equipped with IPPT equipment!so i can do all my nafta training there.hopefully comes in handy for Real Run.[www.realrun.com.sg]

profanity.::.

2005-07-12T23:21:00.000+08:00

today will a post of profanity.
not that i have anything against the world.
but i believe that the subjugation against me this week has been one of utmost injustice.
i
failed
GP!
that's right, my essay has been failed by a nice tutor.
and my gp teacher goes ahead and says that my essay probably wasnt well receieved by the tutor because i had scored high for compre.so she didnt see a point giving me the marks.wtf.

In related news.
it's been a good week somewhat.i pretty much breezed through it.
been walking and smsing mouse a lot.issit healthy to hang out with rodents?
whoops.nah.she's a clean one.i'll be fine.
i hope everyone had a good turn at jcts.

by the way, i update less regularly now because there's always someone staring behind my back while i type.not at this moment though.just that the f******* light doesnt wanna work so i'm typing in complete darkness.
was late yesterday and mr tong now says he "recognises" me.
sigh.as if i dun have enough trouble convincing myself to go to school already.

i'm getting closer to my SCG now. The class seems to have bonded together in determination over the disappointing results of JCTs.haha.and terence keeps calling me "trippin".you and your pleasantries can kao bian zhan.lol.

Well.in fact to tell the truth.
i dun feel like i do have any friends in tjc at all.
i mean, people are nice and gregarious and friendly and all, yet, i dun sense a deep connection.
or maybe, my expectations have gone higher since i've had the heady feeling.i'm sorry to my tjcian frens reading this.i guess i'm in a lonely mood.ciao.::.

2005-07-11T16:52:00.000+08:00

TjTC

2005-07-11T16:48:00.000+08:00

taiwan visitors

2005-07-11T16:46:00.000+08:00

samuel+ me + nurul = int. tourism campfire 2005.costasands.

2005-07-11T16:45:00.000+08:00

my real bro

Destination

2005-07-10T00:14:00.000+08:00

When we chat
it's like something i do everyday
to exchange what we feel

Simple
is the romance i desire
And you're the only one
who can make me feel like this

Today and tomorrow
All i want to do
is to hold on to your heart
even if the world falls out
it'll be you standing by me
and i'll be looking at your smile

real love is like a secret garden
you make new discoveries
new experiences
everyday
it takes two to do it
and the more we find out
the more we know
it becomes forever

your love
its like the sands
it feels velvety and soft
makes me feel warm all over
and i know its you
its like the sunshine
as i bask in it's glow
every single day

Today and tomorrow
All i want to do
is to hold on to your heart
even if the world falls out
it'll be you standing by me
and i'll be looking at your smile

because that's all i wanna do

heh

2005-07-05T22:29:00.000+08:00

i didn't say anything about last week didn't i?
haha.
let's go by the days.

Monday : now as you all know,i've been having a dead bout of insomia recently.it was the same on monday.6 hours to the exam and i was up doing econs simply because i couldn't sleep.Of course,it had everything to do with the notion that i didn't feel completely prepared for the econs exam the next day.plus i did stay up to watch 救命动脉２４小时. Nothing could help because here i was,keeping my brain active,while i was supposed to be sleeping and letting my brain take a rest.So while terms like perfect competition floated in front of my eyes, i continued scribbling.
Fast forward to a couple of hours later,at 9.00am.my eyes had to be tugged open from sheer fatigue.proceeded to chiong to school.exam came.i went to choose questions i would have never imagined myself doing.let's see how the results turn out.

Tuesday: Now if you're expecting the day to wear me out,no it didn't !hahahahaha!!!!!!
Insomia kicked in once again and it was back to the grind. Math and GP the next day. A***** was up too studying for chemistry.So we chatted on the phone, sms-ed till 3am...you get the drift. Meanwhile i attempted to grasp Maclurin's and stuff.i guess it didn't work out as much=X
My math the next day was a total disaster.After math i was supposed to go to wk's house for much needed sleep but the bas**** say need for OAc'ians. wth. aiyah dun care,went to bedok mac study and sleep. then return to school for gp, which was a good paper.but considering i like writin essays more than anything else i guess it was easier for me. My phone rang during the comprehension.as usual, pretence saved the day.act blur and the teacher won't know who the hell did it.

Wednesday: The fatigue from clearing three papers was beginning to set in. Chemistry was done in a rather haphazard fashion, considering i knew almost next to nothing. Preparation was minimal.Let's see how it goes.Went to Pizza Hut after chemistry exam with yh and terence.yh damn ti kee when it comes to food. order half a day already still dunno can only select from the lunch variants.pizza was appetizing enough. i'm picky when it comes to fastfood.Got my butt down to SGH after that for my dad's appointment. Which was when i came to realise something ; if all these heart patients were gainfully empolyed, which i assumed they would be in order to pay off those hefty bills, where did they find the time to go down at such prime wrking hours on weekdays?

Thursday: Rest day,woke at 1100am.no 2nd question, start to mug biology.mouse msg say no momentum to carry on.i told her she will run out of time,better get her hands moving.so sat at my desk from 12 to about 9pm?felt safe enough to sleep only at 11. Didn't eat or move much.

Friday ; Went early in the morning to help wk.turned out tessa and i just gurgling out terms that he had no idea of whatsoever.So much for my notes. will never be the copywriter ever again. Biology started. haha! Four dead cats emit super smell came out!thanks loads to sE sia.if not cannot pass that section.overall bio was a grt paper.comparable to gp.
Went to K-Box immediately after with yihan.We sang a lot of songs!sang until my voice sek neh. The service is getting from bad to worse though.sigh.
Kinda walked around PP for a while after that.then we parted ways and i headed to TM to wait for yL.walkin' ard with someone in RJC uniform certainly makes one feel...elevated.=X
Had dinner and walked around and talked a lot. Hope she's fine!

Saturday: Went out with yj.that pesky girl still hasn't changed one bit.noisy and irritating.haha.We went to tamp int, took a finger and pointed randomly.65 to harbourfront.and we endured an hour and a half's worth of nonsense and lousy seats.
then went to Tm to eat at nite.we spent the whole time eating and walking! ...

heh.

2005-07-05T21:54:00.000+08:00

funkin'!

2005-07-02T23:38:00.000+08:00

Koura-tas-Kai [Pride.梦想起飞.坚定的心] says:
give me something bright and glaring as michelle's shoelaces...

and so it shall be.
it's been a great two days as usual.=)

i spent the whole day out with yj today!had loads of fun.i think.
we're a pair that's mostly obsessed with food.
no sooner had we eaten had we begun to think about the next delicacy in our hands.

Insomia

2005-07-02T23:27:00.000+08:00

To think of my imperfections
will you try to leave my world?
To think of you sweetly
will i sleep sound tonight?

To think of our date this morning
and forget about my troubles at night
To fear that love are like the waters
and leave me behind

Lonely insomia
The whole world's down with insomia
The lonely streetlights hold out for us
Beautiful insomia
Because i don't dare open my eyes
and i'd rather think of you
and love you till the end

To think of me
will you be unable to sleep like me?
To think of you
will i finally stop counting the clouds that pass by?

To think of our date this morning
and forget about my troubles at night
To fear that love are like the waters
and leave me behind

Lonely insomia
The whole world's down with insomia
The lonely streetlights hold out for us
Beautiful insomia
Because i don't dare open my eyes
and i'd rather think of you
and love you till the end

June common tests 2005

2005-07-02T00:44:00.000+08:00

no comment.
i've studied every nook and cranny for the subjects except math so i better get wad i deserve.

uncovered intentions.::.

2005-07-02T00:26:00.000+08:00

An excerpt from my conversation with a friend:

apl.de.ap says:you fail to pass off as a nerd at first look
apl.de.ap says:more like.... a comedian
apl.de.ap says:or talk show host kind of person

hmm...
i dun look like a nerd?
why?i'm comfortable with the image...=X

My views of this world are considered laterial.
I believe society is egalitarian.
I save on electricity consumption whenever i can.
I count cents to save my family much needed dollars.
I tutor others to pass on my knowledge.
I tutor others to obtain knowledge from them.
I message others to ask how they are.
I send them good luck and encouraging messages.
I receive messages asking me about my day.
I spend copious amounts of time planning activities and
co-ordinating schedules.
I make it a point to care about my friends and help them out
to the full extent of my abilities.
I do what i can at school to make everything work like a dream.
I try to complete my tutorials and be attentive during lectures.
I give the teachers as much respect as they deserve.
I give myself respect.
I give myself breathing space.
I give myself a chance to sit down and discuss issues.

and yet...

my dad never listens to me and continues to smoke.
my elderst sister thinks she knows the best for me and is always
trying to undercut my life.
my second sister can't be bothered about the 1001 things in this
household that need to be done.
my brother is concerned about his frens more than his family.
there's still abuse going on.
i get pathetic scores for my effort.
Cambridge destroyed my future by giving me 11 points when i deserve better.
The Teachers still play favourites.
I feel some of my friends simply aren't worth my time or cant be bothered.

...
so i try my best to make everything work out.
but it never comes out the way i would like it to be.
and thus i'm forced to make some decisions that may be
painful and difficult for others to understand.
But when one is squashed in the middle.
the no. of choices are limited.
and this is only a harbinger of problems to come,
as i descend into self-destruction.

staying up aint a sin

2005-06-21T22:14:00.000+08:00

i stayed up all night last night...
hey.but i didn't do it intentionally.
lim pek lin kopi.then cannot sleep.
rolled about in bed for a couple of hours before descending upon the kitchen for food.
honey stars and milk...

at 3 am, proceeded to do work.
mugged at my desk writing biology non-stop for 4 hours.
7am, went to nag my sisters out of bed and to work.
[did i mention the gender reversal?my sisters are bringing home the bacon now.]
switched on the com, as expected no one was online.
so i logged into the maTrix, and downloaded chemistry tutorials.
and proceeded to write in furious fashion.
turned on the tv and watched PTM on CNA.
another realisation: with no cable, there's nothing to watch in the morning.
which is why everyone is better off at work or school anyway.

scribble scribble scribble...
reminds me of a recent episode of JAG i watched.
and yes it's still on!after my fortuitous viewing of the google box when i was bored last sunday.
now they even combined CSI and ALIas elements into the show...it's sorta a mish-mash of military crass and forensic capabilities.not that the phlegmatic me is complaining.

so i mugged the whole nite till 10 am.
went to get lunch and the new issue of "time".
My brother's subscription is running out!Only four more issues!that means i gotta go scavenge in the library like everyone else and not hoard it for hours.

headed out of my house to the FSC at 1430. Ernoch still recognises me! big surprise. its the twins last session though,they're heading for childcare when school starts. i wonder if they will even remember me next time when they're grown up?...
i finished at 1700. and got home...started doing economics now.backwards.and it's 2200 now, i have not slept in the last 22 hours, and hadnt had food for 7 hours. In addition, i have been actively exercising my brain and my hands.It's a new personal record for physical and mental torture.lessons learnt: no more coffee after 2000 hours.=X

only a week left!

2005-06-21T18:54:00.000+08:00

i have one more week to cram 6 months of work.
wish both of us luck.=C

faTigue.::.

2005-06-19T23:33:00.000+08:00

been attempting to dive all afternoon but to no avail.
my sister says i look like a fish struggling to survive.>.<

sounds like kim...
my student cheerfully didn't do her chinese homework.
so i told her no one was leaving till it was done.
so from 11 to 12 [ my time is from 10 to 11 for chinese tuition], we sat at cy's house's dining table and waited.and waited.and waited.
finally she gave in and did two of the questions.good enough for me.
i'll get my pay next week!woo!so much i could do with the money.
but i'll learn like the 22-year-old SMU guy in the papers today.
He has $80,000 lying around in stocks and shares.
i'd like to have that kind of financial security.

it's such a hot day....argh.>.<
i'm not done studying.
but i will not succumb.
nothing less than 5 As![haha,fyi,whenever i aim A, i get B.]
July Common Tests, as they are commonly known, are a good way of gauging a students' performance in the middle of the year.It provides a standard benchmark for teachers and students alike to accredit and judge their academic performance.u really think so?
i think E$$^*^$^$&*^^$!@#^*@^*@! After the 'O' Levels shock,anything is possible.

2005-06-19T19:11:00.000+08:00

This is the sanctuary in plot 8, after a ten minute walk from her bistro

2005-06-19T19:10:00.000+08:00

We had a sumptious lunch and had a group photo.

2005-06-19T19:08:00.000+08:00

after we took a taxi which boarded five[thanks a lot!], we got there after much travelling on the roads. All the signs here are lovingly handmade from wood!=D

2005-06-19T19:00:00.000+08:00

after taking 199 to outside NTU,the girls SWEAR they're never going to NTU, we are here helplessly waiting for a taxi...

2005-06-19T18:59:00.000+08:00

these are the 4 qian jin i'm working with for PW : [from left] herlina,hanx|,cRystal,yenny

farm visit!

2005-06-15T21:40:00.000+08:00

oh...forgot to tell ya...i went for tuition on tuesday too. i was assigned to three litle kids . A p3 kid called Ernoch and his twin siblings, john and esther.

aaaaaahhhh.my first experience with young kids and they give me THREE at once???

With much apprehension, i took all three kids in tow and made them do homework. They were quiet and unassuming. I thought this was normal behaviour till dawn informed me after the session that the previous tutor had complained they were too noisy under her charge.hmm.

[dawn is my social worker IC at the Tampines FSC. Sweet, Tall and pretty, she's atypical of the flowery social-worker typies u see on tv.Only she's for real.]

i actually survived for two hours with three quiet kids. Well i didn't have to do much disciplining i guess...somehow they were not inclined to make noise. Maybe i made them feel bored.
Do I?i hope they open up a little more during the next session.=)

The next day...
took my mum to her regular visit with the psychiatrist[skipped my chem tutorial to go].
then headed down to jurong east to meet my pw group.

We were going down to Bollywood Veggies! a farm that was buried all the way in Neo Tiew. Thank God the taxi we hailed was willing to take us, and FIVE ppl[shh] in.=D
The ride was long and uneventful...but we raced past this vast expense of land with the cemetries...turned here turned there...saw some great danes and mongrels on the way, which produced chilling shrieks from my group members. [ In case you didn't know, my pw grp had 4 girls and a guy, because in a class of 5 guys and twenty girls, everyone deserves their fair share of testosterone.]

Finally we reached the farm!
A "small" and idyllic setting it said. [ we later discovered it was 10 HECTARES, 2.5 times of DHS =X], Miss Ivy Singh-Lim , the ex-prez of Netball Singapore we were meeting.
Her Poison Ivy bistro was wide open for our visitation.
We popped in gingerly, hoping we'll scrape past for being late.
but we weren't spared. She duly jokingly chatised us for being late, and i tell you, dressed in a black singlet which covered up her impressive figure with a bark knife around her waist, she looked ready to kill.

We were terrified.=X

And we had a weird looking auntie with retro red shades and a bandana around her head, with a green sign hanging from her left pocket. Leaning closer for a look...

" Auntie PSB. SLave no.1"

After sincere apologies from our side, "slave no.1"[as she wld have us call her] directed us to a table fit for 6, and told us to get ready for a really organic meal. Being students, we were worried about having to pay of course,but we were proven wrong in due course.

First we had fried rice with organic veggies and spices, which was refreshingly moist and minty at the same time. We also had spicy sweet potato leaves [ fresh and juicy], otah[ amazingly light], and for dessert, we had a slice of banana cake [ made from organically grown bananas] with vanilla ice-cream. It was warm and satisfying, so to speak.

The whole time, the eccentric little "slave no.1 " ferried about us like we were little kids and serving us all the meals. After a brief conversation and some light jokes, everyone opened up and the atmosphere was more relaxed. "slave no.1" was actually someone who came down to Ms Ivy's farm to help out at time because she wanted to experience the countryside lifestyle.

After the delightful lunch we promptly started our interview with Ms Ivy, and it was a frank and easy experience because of her outspoken and gregarious nature. She handled every question with respect and intelligence, and she had duly learnt her stripes throughout her whole life, as she proceeded to regale us with stories about her own life, and why she chose to set up a farm all the way in the countryside. At the end of the interview, we were in awe of this great woman. I'll upload it shortly to so that everyone can learn from it=)

"sLave no.1 " left near the end of the interview, and it was only then that we discovered,

1) she was a TAI-TAI
2) she had four kids
3) and her husband owned a japanese restaurant

while she hurried away to get a name-card for us, herlina and i quickly thought of ths chances of it being いちばん　ぼし　「ichiban boshi, a fine dining japanese restaurant at suntec and the esplanade]...

and she came back. gave the namecard to herlina. all i heard next was a gasp.
i grabbed the card from her hand. woah. not ONLY did her husband own the boshi, but she owned kuishinbo,kuriya fine dining....the works.

We were staring at the lady boss of a million-dollar japanese eating empire.

She then proceeded to introduce herself as "madam michelle tataya", and told us that we should visit her restaurants for good food. Then she left and poof!, our first encounter with a taitai.

Still in shock, we discussed it all the way while we were visiting different parts of the farm.
Took loads of photos and ms ivy also gave us loads of suggestions and useful information.
Will upload a photo soon=)

After that we took her driver's car down to kranji mrt station, where we proceeded to take a train back to the east side. HANXI left my notebook at the farm>.< must make her pay me one.

And oh.i cut my hair.if that's of any interest to u.

busy.::.

2005-06-14T20:16:00.000+08:00

it's been one hell of a busy week!

went to my cousin's wedding at the marriott on monday.
remember, maRRioTT, because i spelled wrongly and kenna by my bro>.<
and my dad needs a lesson in humility....
u never want to know HOW MUCH he gave for the hongbao...
it's a really expensive place from the exterior's looks...

but once i went in it was totally different.
no different from those two-star thingys u get in Paya Lebar.
we were escorted to a table right in front of the podium!exciting wasn't it?
and in usual grand style the wedding started late. Slated at 730,it started at 840.
The couple had made a hilarious dinner about how they met.
Seems the groom met my cousin on his way to school and they were introduced on the bus by mutual friends.and they've been dating for a total of TWELVE years!
The feast started with much aplomb and we were treated to a sumptous treat of tantalizing dishes. haha, wad u expect, marriott, RIGHT in the heart of Orchard Road...
my little cousins eat a lot for a pair of 8 year olds. [ i was sitting with my young cousins, whom i see once in a blue moon. the last i'd seen them they were 5!]reminds me of my monstorous hulk when i was 8=P

well after that my mum received an unexpected call. my maternal grandma was having difficulties breathing and we had to go down to see her. So from the wedding i rushed down to Changi General Hospital.

Now for those who DON'T KNOW, i've always had a bone to pick with CGH. The service is bad, the staff don't care, and everything is overpriced for its market and range.It's only saving grace is that it's behind my house, thsu giving me a higher chance of survival in case i do collapse after blacking out nearthe tv once more.=D as usual, my grandma had to wait at the A&E department for an hour before she received any attention. That was blatantly absurd, don't you think?a whole hour!she could have been dead by then.[ i guess i sound like a complacent singaporean,but i'm not.]

By then it was 0100 am, and everyone was tired. So my family bade farewell to my relatives and we went home...

The next morning we went down to the hospital. Poor granny, she has water accumulating in her lungs, so no food nor drinks for now. But hopefully she'll get better soon.=C

2005-06-11T23:09:00.000+08:00

blacking out

2005-06-11T20:27:00.000+08:00

i blacked out at 0140 this morning...

when i woke up,it was 0145.

and i was on the floor buried beneath a pile of books,pens,paper and the DVD player.

and my head was spinning and it hurt...

moments ago i was going to switch off the tv...

what happened?

was it my eating a whole roll of oreos myself?

was it my drinking a litre of cranberry juice?

or was it just me?

my head hurt terribly.and my sis came out and removed the debris upon me.

Desperately needing to regain my sight, i realised my specs were all the way at the other side of the living room.what kind of impact could have caused that?

i went to bed with a splitting headache.

wore at 0916, discovered a bump while washing my face.and it hurt and hurt and hurt.
i wonder if there's internal bleeding...but my sis says as long as i don't feel nauseous its okay.

had my first tuition session with cy's cousin! her name is kim and she's pretty cute=D
i trudged to her house after slapping a plaster on my bump. It went pretty smoothly...though the humidity was killing me. kim wasn't the best student i could have, but she'll fit the bill.

my head still hurts...>.<
and there's a big bump.
which means my big head just got bigger.

has it been that long?

2005-06-09T20:28:00.000+08:00

hmm.went to the airport again on Tuesday.
SE going to Finland!!! Ah!!!!*unfair whine whine whine*
while i remain stuck in tiny little Singapore.

But as usual, we went to mug at the airport.
i was late.haha.as usual. he took the train down to meet me at Simei MRT.
He was dragging this ultra-huge gray shiny polo luggage bag.
and pushing it around.haha.so ugly!how to be steward?

We took the train down and went to Delifrance...
the place is great!
fresh air,crowds of people, great food...
oh,Delifrance was empty.=P
He ordered a mango chicken baugette, which i say is pretty unappetizing.=C
so we sat there and mugged.again.haha.
reminds me of the days in dhs in oct before the 'O Levels'...

borrowed his rjc chorale jersey!looks good haha=P
after aout two hours of mugging...

this guy suddenly screamed, at 1205 hours...

" I want cheese-flavoured ice-cream."

and so we set off to look for cheese flavoured ice cream. From T1's Ntuc to T2's Cold Storage, we trudged on with our heavy bags and his polo luggage bag.>.<
I think we must have looked like goondus haha...
Anyway, we couldn't find it!So we settled for two cornettos each.good though.
then we kinda slacked at T2 looking at the first-class travellers...
i left at 5 pm after wishing him a good journey.::.

my dad got released from hospital yesterday!great right.but now on some 9 drug cocktail.he's fine and resting at home,thanks everyone=)

the planned bbQ fell apart!not enough people could turn up...hai..sad.but i can tell everyone is very enthu about it.maybe we just need a more suitable date=)

2005-06-06T10:25:00.000+08:00

emily and i.

2005-06-06T10:24:00.000+08:00

eM,I,sE

marche.burrrp.

2005-06-06T09:53:00.000+08:00

ah...the long and finally awaited.
marche trip. 4K'04 finally deserved what it needed.
ms Loh finally gave us the treat after 3 cancellations and shifting of dates...

In the morning i woke up at 0745.
To my amazement, my BROTHER was in the kitchen.

Now let me clarify...my brother does not enter the kitchen unless he

needs a shower
needs a drink
needs to dump his clothes in the washing machine
needs to eat

Now, he was COOKING.O_O.i stepped into the kitchen and my, the smoke was worse than my dad's little smoke clouds from his cigarettes. Turns out he was preparing for a picnic. Decided i'd be better off not eating whatever he made.

Popped out with my sis at 1000 to go swimming. As usual, little kids all over the place. Sigh. Tampines had better be done soon...=( Did twenty laps of "obstacle swimming" [ avoiding kids, instructors and frenzied parents all over the pool]. While on my last few laps, i think i kicked someone. i turned around and, whoa. It was Pang Wen Xiang. haven't seen the guy since we left dunman.

So we kinda talked for a while, and proceeded to swim some more. this guy can swim man.

Went for an uneventful lunch [ i had nasi lemak while my sis had laksa], and went down to the hospital to visit my dad again. i swear,i've been doing 7-hour shifts at the hospital. His spirits were up, hope that stays for a while...Meanwhile, he refuses to walk long distances, so i had to grab this old,creaky and cranky wheelchair to ferry him about. i think he enjoys sitting on the wheelchair. Received two calls simultaneously at about 1645...siangee asking me if i was going, and yL wanting to know where i was. heh.

I met the rest at city hall interchange at 1735.
i thought i'll be late but the rest were worse.-_-
siang ee came after a while wearing the 4K shirt...
and engmeng popped up after a while too.
glad to see them loads.=)
and emily and peeps too!haven't seen them all in quite some time.

and so we headed down to marche...
not much conversation though, seemed a little quiet...
the rest went in while i waited for yiling [ so SLOW ah that woman=P].

Well,once we got our cards it was like hungry ghosts released from hell.
Without a hint of concern over the prices we ordered and ordered and ordered.
Lemme see...i had

Mixed Mushrom Crepe
Cheese Sausage Rosti
Cranberry Juice
Salmon Sashimi [ su go ii ne!]
Veggie Pizza
Pan-fried Dory Fish
Sauteed Veggies [ engmeng ordered this oyster sauce veggie thingy one could get at the coffeeshop at marche.-_-""]
Ginger Beer
Soft Shell Crab
Tempura Ebi
Death by Chocolate Cake
Waffle with two scoops of ice-cream [ Macandamia Dulce and White Peach with Blackcurrant]
Calanmansi With Sour Plum
Riverlla [ Carbonated drink with 35 % less fat and protein milk, pasturized]
Fried Calamari
Peach Smoothie
We were so close to ordering a pork knuckle...=(

Engmeng had a whole chicken by himself, by the way.

and get this : after yL,sE,eM and I shifted to another table. ms Loh kidnapped our cards.

That's right,kidnapped.and she left a call for ransom by making us go back to our original table.>.

We then left the restaurant when everyone decided they had enough. Pretty uneventful,wasn't it?

yL went home by car, while the three of us went to slack with the girls at the rooftop on esplanade.Interesting view actually=) We played a couple of games and took a couple of photos. Played a really dumb game called "Qing Wa [ Frog]". You just keep repeating the number of syllables and the number of frogs involved.-_-

Took the train home with emily.she's changed.somehow.=(

This boy got home at 2340 sharp...onl to get chastised for getting home so late.

sigh...='(

Perceptions

2005-06-04T21:44:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since i've held my father's hand.

I had a rare chance to yesterday, when my dad was lying in bed.
Ironically, it was when he was in ICU.
In case u didn't know, my dad was in hospital for a heart valve
replacement operation. Which also explains why i've been disappearing from events and heading to the hospital.

The thing is...everyone askes me, " what happened to your dad?"
and i go, " it's okay.he just changed a valve."
It's such a major operation.
He could die any moment.
But yet, i feel nothing. In fact, i feel a little irritance, from having my schedule disrupted.
Yes, you must be thinking...how could i be like that?it's my dad.
But, i think i have been dis-sentisized to most emotions by now.

My dad's a chain smoker who's been smoking for over twenty years, and i would guess it would be difficult for him to kick the habit all of a sudden.
But yet, ever since my formative years when i realised that smoking was bad for one's health, i have always advocated to him to just quit it.

I remember a vivid incident when i was 10. That was in primary 3, and i made a poster at school with an anti-smoking sign on it. The kind where there's this little red prohibitive circle on a burned-out cigarette. I took special effort to colour inside the lines. And my dad paid little attention to it.

Ever since then...i haven't given a hoot about my dad's habit. I just let him be, smoke all he wants. I would just silently protest by covering my nose or getting into my room whenever he lights up in the living room. Of course, no one can prognosticate the future.

When my dad told me he needed the surgery, i thought, "it's the smoking,stupid."
i didn't give it much thought. But as the surgery got nearer i got increasingly scared.
i didn't know what to do. i was flustered and wondering if i should go stake out at the hospital.
But my ever-reassuring sister told me not to.hmm.

And now my dad's alive. when i received the call, i was with my sister replacing my spectacles.
Both of us were a little dazed for a while...and we did a little victory dance.

i went down the next day.
there he was, in a scene reminiscent of ER.
oxygen mask, tubes everywhere.
i just gasped.
i didn't expect my dad to be in this state.
and was that morphine they were giving him?

and as i held my dad's hand...
there was so much emotion.
so much unsaid, yet understood by the feel of his gnarled hand.
maybe i'll never understand why he can't quit.
but for now,i'll relish the moment.
and cherish his life.

hello again=)

2005-06-04T00:40:00.000+08:00

Well...it's my virgin post so to speak after four months.i recovered the blog!after much searching=)
i've started about 4 blogs since i was in Secondary 2.
All of them have gone to naught,for some reason or other,not least due to plain laziness and the lack of willingness on my part tolet others know about my life.

Well today it's different.something changed my life.
and i'm ready to share it with the world.

My name is Tan He Yuan.I'm 16 currently, and i'm living in Tampines in Singapore.My primary school was in Yu Neng Primary School, a dreamy little chinese school in the heartlands of Bedok.It was a pretty decent school, and i enjoyed my time there. Though i'm sure i was not aware enough at that age to realise even if anything was amiss, i must say that in my naiveness i have enjoyed my time tremendously.

Being lucky, i was posted to EM1,the 'elite' so to speak. the 'cream of the crop'.From then i've been mixing of people of a different calibre, and this continued even when i moved on to Dunman High School, another dreamy little chinese school near the city.

This time though,i was surrounded by tall condominiums. The roads were literally paved with gold- one could see a BMW,a Merc or a Jaguar at every corner.Dunman High changed my life.It was when i finally became aware of the intricacies and cruelties of life and reality.I was aware that in order to survive one had to work hard in Singapore.Yet Dunman High also affected my life in more ways than one. It was the center of my life, my social circle, yet it also put tremendous pressure on me to do well in my studies.

Gradually over time, i became a s0-called "mugger". I didn't care about anything but my studies. This continued until Sec 4. I guess going to a traditionally chinese and toot school would definitely change one's ideals in many ways.

Having cleared four years in DHS, i'm now in Temasek Junior College, yet ANOTHER dreamy little chinese school in the east yet again. Why do i say it's chinese? the number of chinese school people is amazing, it's about 75 % of the school. And the school offers LEP and it has numerous chinese-themed decorations within the school compound.

Meanwhile,i'm trying to enjoy my life in TJC=)

About my family...hmm...it's a little dysfunctional.
i will reveal more over time.
i guess my friends already know!

Oh, and i'm a little on the tall side.i'm 1.8m/5'11".
On the other hand, i am also on the heavy side.[78 KG]
Though i'm trying to do more stuff to control my weight.

I find it difficult to interact with most people though.
Though some may think i'm a very extroverted person...
it's just like me to avoid my social obligations and stay alone.

Read on...and enjoy=)

another day goes by... ... ...

2005-01-12T09:24:00.000+08:00

I cant believe its the 12th already...another week is passing by.
Temasek has sort of been a blast,but i'm still kind of hung up on National.
How do you abandon the place where your aspirationas,hopes,dreams all started?Just because you're in another land of being,it doesn't give you the right to do so.

I went for Choir last night...5pm to 8pm.It was another day of only two lectures. Went to the hospital at 12 to visit my mom.She seems better.Although i can't really say so for the rest of the family.There's a CGH doctor warded there,for Obsessive Complusive Disorder. Apparently, that's when your brain is unable to process the even most basic of questions or make decisions due to overwhelming stress or pressure. The guy's nice though,and i chatted with him for a while. But half the time i guess he was wondering if i was being friendly or just mocking him like the rest.It's perfectly weird that a person so normal could transform in a matter of time.
Went back to school @ 3, seems the rest are waiting for choir auditions. Sensing a lot of bad blood already,though i can't really ascertain it,but the feeling is just there.Choir is a refreshing experience though, amazingly, though all the seniors seem weird. First we had to sing using our diaphragms, and learn to breathe out while sucking in air. Looks like singing ain't such a easy thing after all.

Still have 3 pdp meetings today,i'm really wondering which one to go to though. Guitar,bowling and photographic society. I've always wanted to learn the guitar, but bowling with the pros sounds like something really interesting.sigh.

"Life hates You.HY.Just remember that."

N-eeeewwwwwww! Year

2005-01-11T10:47:00.000+08:00

I'm typing this in the middle of lectures....and had to see someone i don't want to see....walao...
To all the Dunman High people reading this,it's been one hell of an orientation!
Temasek Jc certainly surpassed my expectations in terms of performance....
and yeah,i guess it's been pretty good...

Yi Ling has been pondering whether to continue with german or not.
i mean,she actually went to National Junior College just for the purpose of taking 'A' Level german, and now she wants to quit. She even wants to give up the scholarship. Heck, but she's still moving on to Raffles Junior College. How is she going to move to Raffles just because she wants to? And the HOD of german even begged her to stay... on second thought, she went in with 10 A1s, L1r5=6 and everythign else perfect.she's probably the best student they ever will have. Good Luck YiLing on whatever you will choose to be taking...between economics and german, german is more exclusive but i guess economics is more practical.

I am in Incendium/Gamma house, and it's been pretty exhilarating because people in this house are pretty cool and "hiong" so to speak. But i still don't feel right about Temasek Junior College. My impression of National Junior College still has not diminished somewhat, so maybe i'll move on there, maybe...

And guess what, Siangee hooked up with my old YNPS classmate Yenping...i mean walao....this sucks....and he ask me to move on to Raffles.Like i can.bah. Oh well.....good luck to all and hang in there!

Happy New Year

2005-01-02T14:50:00.000+08:00

yeah,that's it.happy new year to all....
hopefully we'll have a better year!
god bless all those going to tjc haha...
and those tsunami victims.

2004-12-27T21:48:00.000+08:00

my alter|||ego

Is the world ending soon?

2004-12-27T21:46:00.000+08:00

Today is a weird day.....
after about two weeks of taking care of my mother,
today i'm on cooking duty.
ooo.
cooking,vacuuming,washing....
i could really dig this.

Anyway,i was supposed to go out with yingjie today.
But my brother came home late,so...yeah.
Been reading Le Petit Prince...you know,the story about this little prince
from a planet,not much bigger than himself,who appears in the desert and meets the author?
it's a rather thought-provoking book... the prince never answers a single question,but to fill his curiosity is a herculan task.

Listening to the news now....apparently the tsunami was hell,they keep showing this video of waves crashing on the Phuket beach.i mean like,everything's quiet,and woah,the waves come crashing and everything just floods. In Aceh, the people who were lying on the beach died in tehir exact positions.buses,houses,buildings,people.....

And to think Singapore was safe from everything.
we need to learn.